by Jim Catapano

As you know, I am an avid student of the intense and violent martial art known as Yoga (pronounced “cheez-bur-grr”). Many have asked, “Jim, what’s Yoga like?” Well, now that I have this forum on the World Wide Net I thought I’d give you a primer on the basics.

1. Yoga was invented in 1968 by Dr. Timothy Leary (father of Dennis Leary from that show about the red truck). Dr. Leary invented the ancient art as a supplement to his LSD practice. His philosophy: “Turn it on, Drop it In, Yoga it up.”

2. Yoga is a Sanskrit word meaning “My body can do amazing things. Wanna buy me a drink?”

3. Yoga is about bringing the “Chaka” into alignment with the Nannies and

the Marmasets. The Chaka is named for the little furry guy from the 70s Saturday Morning show “Land of The Lost.”

Steve “Chaka” Khan

4. Yoga is about COMPETITION. It’s about being better than the guy/girl/dog Yogaing it up next to you.

5. Yoga is about MOCKERY. If the guy/girl/dog next to you is not “Yogaing” properly, it is your responsibility as a student to point and laugh so that they run from the practice room in tears.

6. Yoga is about PAIN. If you don’t wake up the next morning in complete and utter agony, YOU DID IT WRONG. Repent by beating yourself with your Yoga strap and smacking yourself in the head with your yoga block (that’s what those are for.)

Now you know how to fight Yoga. Go out there, get drunk, and kick some asana.

DISCLAIMER: The above does not reflect the opinions of BiteSizeYoga.com, or anyone else on the planet besides Jim.