Dating Guru
By Dayle Pivetta
Have you recently found yourself fretting over which yoga outfit you’re going to wear to practice, how your pants make your butt look in down dog, or if your favorite mala brings out your eyes, or just makes you look fat? You’re not alone- you have a yoga crush… who hasn’t? And probably, not just with any yogi, but with your favorite yoga teacher! Never fear, the dating guru is here! People often say to me, “Dayle, how can you give yogi’s dating advice? You don’t have any trouble, after all you’re so attractive!” And while this is certainly true, I have also had my struggles finding love in the yo-mantic world like many of you… Because you see in yoga, as hard as this is to believe, looks don’t matter! No matter how hot you are, like me, yogis often look much deeper, so we can’t just fall back on our pouty lips and flirting lashes… in yoga, we must be AGGRESSIVE! ! As a yoga teacher myself, I will now divulge the best ways to get and keep your instructors attention:
- Keep eye contact with the instructor. Nothing is more important in developing a relationship than establishing intense bedroom eyes, early in class. When most other yogis’ are closing their eyes, listening to their breath and clearing their heads, you have a unique opportunity to probe the instructor with your eyes. Take advantage, Yogi! Your teacher will automatically feel compelled to give you more attention thinking you are new to the practice and most likely gravitate towards you in case you need more clarifying later on in the class! Also, don’t forget to smile- you wouldn’t want to come across as creepy this early in the class!
- Ask questions! Don’t be afraid to ask what you want to know- for example being adjusted in a hip opening pose say, ” I wish I could take you home with me! I bet your lover has really open hips, with someone like you around all the time to assist them!” With statements like this you encourage dialogue, show you re interested and also learn if the object of your affection is worth meditating over or if you should move on to the next available, more open hearted yogi!
- Demand their attention and be vocal. If you are new to yoga this will be easy, but if you’ve been practicing for a while then you simply need to adjust your practice. For example in ardha chandrasana (half moon pose, see below) purposefully close your top hip, pay no attention to your crush’s cues to open it and encourage them to physically adjust you! When getting adjusted physically by your instructor let them know you like it when they touch you! This can be done with small little sighs or even full blown groans… Nothing is too much- it’s yoga after all.
- If everything is going well, or even as a last ditch effort- there is one final tip- when relaxing in savasana while your teacher is giving you the final assists, which normally include pressing the shoulders away from the ears, massaging of the marma points of the head and perhaps a little neck massage, make your move! By using the element of surprise, snap your eyes open before they move onto the next yogi, grab their head and show them your best lip lock-asana!
[Bite Size Disclaimer: Dude, we're not responsible for what happens to you if you actually follow Dayle's advice. Uh, good luck in the county jail.]
Ardha Chandrasana, aka Half Moon Pose